LEILA FADEL, HOST:
Joy Harjo is an internationally celebrated poet of the Muscogee Nation, and it is with words that she processes this life - joy, hardships and, in a new book, grief. It's called "Washing My Mother's Body: A Ceremony For Grief," and it is dedicated to her late mother. When I spoke with Harjo, the 23rd U.S. poet laureate, about this work, she started by reading the first lines of her poem.
JOY HARJO: (Reading) I never got to wash my mother's body when she died. I return to take care of her in memory. That's how I make peace when things are left undone. I go back and open the door. I step in to make my ritual, to do what should have been done, what needs to be fixed, so that my spirit can move on.
FADEL: Joy, this poem, "Washing My Mother's Body," and these first few lines, how did they come to the page for you?
HARJO: That's always a mystery.
(LAUGHTER)
HARJO: That's a mystery with anything, you know?
FADEL: Yeah.
HARJO: Where does it come from and how does it get there? And I was in the middle of writing something totally, you know, on my father's family and removal from the Southeast and history. And this poem just interrupted and elbowed its way through. And there I was writing about wanting to wash my mother's body but not allowed the opportunity. And the poem showed me, well, if you couldn't do it in person, you can go back and wash her body in a poem.
FADEL: Can you describe the importance of that ritual, to wash your mother's body before she was laid to rest?
HARJO: Yeah. It's about acknowledging the story that her spirit inhabited in her body. And it's a way of helping us, as well as her, to let go - to say, we're here. We walked part of this story with you, and we love you, and we wish you the best on the next part of your journey.
FADEL: We have something very similar in our tradition. I'm Muslim, and we have something called ghusl mayyit, the washing of the dead, where you - for purification and respect and dignity and to help with the passing, you wash the body. Going back in time to do the thing that you wanted to do in that moment for your mom, what was that like?
HARJO: It's interesting how that poem just took over. It was like I was there almost as a witness. I was observing the ritual as it was happening.
FADEL: Did it give you a closure or something that you needed that you didn't have?
HARJO: I think it did, and I didn't realize how much I needed that until I had written the poem. It's interesting. We all have, I think, the child's view - especially the daughter's view - of the mother is so potent. And we probably know them more than anyone in some way. But she was beautiful. She was outgoing. She loved to dance. People always came to her for advice. And she had a great compassion. She would look after people. She was a songwriter, but that part of her life was eclipsed when she had four children, one right after the other, and then after the fourth one was involved in a divorce and became involved with someone very difficult. But she was so lively and had so much energy and so outgoing.
FADEL: I know that you lost a daughter recently, and you did get to wash her body. Going through that as a mother, what was that like?
HARJO: That was something that was so profound. And I'm writing about it, but there are no words invented yet for losing a child. You know, I think it's important that we are present, that we do not hand over our time and our rituals. It's important to take time to honor, in our own ways, the lives of those we've lost. And so to be able to stand in a circle around my beloved girl and to do this ritual of washing her body together was profound. And it gave a sense of ritual that there we were together, honoring this incredible, brilliant, creative life and acknowledging the gift of her.
FADEL: And you were able to do for her what you weren't able to do for your mother?
HARJO: Yes, something I never would have imagined.
FADEL: Your poem is about the complexity of grief, the relationship of a mother and daughter, the story of your mom. What do you hope readers get from it this Mother's Day and every day?
HARJO: I guess, just to realize that to lose a mother, to lose a daughter is difficult. And the thing I've been learning with grief is that it's always there. It takes different forms. You may think you've gotten over a hump of it, and then it surprises you.
FADEL: You said that daughters know their mothers in a different way. What do you mean?
HARJO: There's something about daughters - a daughter coming from a mother. There's something about that matrilineal link that is so potent. And I remember being there when my first granddaughter was born. There was just something in that whole potent connection that - it goes beyond words.
FADEL: When you finished this poem, you said you kind of got lost in it. Did you come out of it different?
HARJO: I think so. I was different in the way of understanding how poetry is a tool, not just for poets and readers, but for all of us. So I've encouraged - when I've read it, encouraged people that maybe there's someone that you can't speak to, or, you know, here's Mother's Day and sometimes our relationships with our mothers and our daughters and granddaughters are so complex. Sometimes it's good just to sit down and write a - it doesn't have to be a poem. You know, write a letter or a story or something. And what I have found in the act of creation, whether it's writing poetry or stories or music, that I open up and I learn things. And sometimes in that process, you come to a greater compassion. You can come to a greater understanding.
FADEL: Joy Harjo is a poet. She was the 23rd U.S. poet laureate. Her new book is "Washing My Mother's Body." Thank you so much, Joy.
HARJO: Thank you, Leila.
(SOUNDBITE OF THE VERNON SPRING'S "MOTHER'S LOVE") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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