Divorce is common in Ohio and across the country. But when a marriage ends, the relationship between the couple doesn’t necessarily end with it.
For parents, divorce often gives way to learning how to jointly care for children while living apart.
The Delaware County Domestic Relations Court is aiding families in navigating just that. The court’s Co-Parent Coaching program recently received the international Irwin Cantor Innovative Program award from the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.
The program began over five years ago to offer couples a way to process their emotions without involving lawyers or their children, said Amy Armstrong, a family resource coordinator and social worker with the program.
“It’s designed to allow [parents] to really declare what it is that they want their lives to look like and set their children up to be free from getting dragged along with any of the issues that the parents are having,” she said.
Honest conversations
The courtroom itself often isn’t the most appropriate place to hash out relationship issues, Armstrong said. Litigants often censor themselves or fixate on blame in hopes of reaching a specific verdict.
Co-parent coaching sessions provided a separate space for tense conversations.
“Instead of thinking about what they should say, what's the right answer, or, ‘What do I need to say in order to get what I want?’, parents find that they can have real conversations,” Armstrong explained.
Parents meet with a trained coach, who helps them talk through family visitation schedules, financial arrangements and communication issues over the course of six sessions.
Any couples undergoing custody disputes in Delaware County are eligible for the free program.
Occasionally, a judge can order couples to participate, Armstrong said, but right now, it’s mostly parents seeking out the service.
“The coaching is a process where the litigants set their own agenda of what is troubling them, what is keeping them stuck in some negative emotion, which often ends up putting children in the middle of the conflict,” she said.
Less conflict, more understanding
Since the program started in 2020, Armstrong said they’ve already started to see results. Parents surveyed before and after the program reported less conflict, more mutual understanding, and greater confidence in the ability to resolve future disputes.
For most couples, Armstrong said it helps them settle their court cases.
“We can start to identify the steps that they are willing and able to take… without the pressure of a court order,” Armstrong said.
Most importantly, Armstrong said they are able to come up with parenting plans that are sustainable for them and that don’t put their children in the middle of the conflict.
“It just creates a situation where the child is not doing the parent's work,” she said. “So all the weight of the conflict gets carried by the parents and the child is freed up to be a kid.”
A model for the state
Other Ohio courts have expressed interest in integrating this type of relationship coaching, including Hamilton and Portage counties.
But, Armstrong said she’d like to see it formally adopted by the state.
“I'd really like to see this become a statewide initiative where parents ask for it and expect to get enough support going through their court case,” she said. “It's not therapy, it doesn't replace a lot of other social services, but it can help them enough to get through their case.”
If the model becomes more widespread, Armstrong believes it won’t just help families. She said it could ultimately reduce the burden on Ohio courts.
“A verdict in court does not solve the relationship problems,” she said. “It really takes getting these relationship dynamics turned around to work well so that the family doesn't have to rely on court to fix future issues.”
